how do I do this?

where do I even begin?

starting over is one of the scariest decisions we'll make from time to time. but before we commit to the act, we ask ourselves -

how do I know its time to walk away?

where would I start?

what should my first step be?

for me, I usually take a deep dive into the rabbit hole of endless thoughts and emotions, overthinking and nitpicking. my mind will search to answer the question about how I landed in a place of uncertainty. in the end, I'll ask myself the million question - the question we hesitate to ponder sometimes ............

are you happy?

if I'm being honest, I was okay - hoovering around the neutral zone if I had to place myself on the spectrum. I had two jobs that paid my bills and maintained my lifestyle. I mean, in this economy, thats the main goal ..... right? while I was at my first job (in retail) , I'd always find myself going on mental rants about articles I saw online, correcting people's grammar and keeping up with anything that peaked my interest. at my second job (in media), I was lucky to be in THE place the city relies on for everything newsworthy, but I wasn't in the position I wanted to be in. I was happy, but stagnent. I wanted to do more, I wanted to be better - at both places.

I'd ask myself - have I reached my limit in these spaces? is there somewhere else I'm meant to be? what am I doing wrong? I spent a lot of my final days feeling out of place. something had to change, whether it was me, my jobs or both. in time to come, everything changed. I no longer worked at either place.

walking into 2025 with a clean slate, I sat down and figured out how to redirect myself. how to mold myself. how to create a new plan. I knew I always wanted to have a piece of me in this world - something I built on my own. something that embodies my values, my creativity ....... my writing. I can be successful at any job, but I want to always be able to stand on my own. a piece of me that isn't associated with a company or person. I also knew journalism had to be apart of my journey no matter how I did it. ofcourse the goal is to be applauded by a highly recognized media outlet in Toronto - and work for them. as well as making a difference in my community - combining my dreams with practicality.

now I have to address the complicated relationship I have with technology. don't get me wrong, I appreicate what the digital world has to offer. at the same time if it were up to me - I'd show up, write my blogs and go on with my day. but today, journalism isn't just about writing. its about knowing how to build websites, plugins, SEOs, marketing, social media ............. especially if the goal is to stand on your own. this led me to the realization - I am worthy of being the spaces I desire. I am loyal, ambitious - passionate, but that is 50% of the job. right now, my job is to work on the other 50%. so the way I see it is, I'm halfway there.

journalism = 50% skills + 50% passion

so, welcome to other 50%. welcome to my way of becoming a multifaceted journalist. welcome to my passion project. welcome to how I walked away, started over and took the first step.